PREACHER TRICKS

The voice of my young colleague coming through the phone was filled with the same disbelief and amazement that I myself have experienced so many times in my 35 years of service in the church.

“Oh, Bill,” he said incredulously, “I submitted my hymns for Easter Sunday. I had chosen ‘Christ Jesus Lay in Death’s Strong Bands’ or ‘Christ lag in todesbanden’ for the Hymn of the Day.” The next day I got an email from the pastor saying, “On a Sunday like Easter, we need good strong, traditional Lutheran hymns ...not new unfamiliar things like this!”

If 500 years of serving as a recommended hymn of the day for Easter Sunday among Lutheran bodies world-wide isn’t “traditional Lutheran,” then please tell me what is!

I did my best to comfort my frustrated friend. I told him that ministers sometimes say silly things when they don’t personally like a hymn and want to trump up a reason not to use it. “I wish he would just be a man about it,” he replied, “...and say he just doesn’t like it.”

As I hung up the phone my mind went through a litany of experiences with ministers during Holy Week and Christmas that have gravely encumbered and diminished worship events for thousands of congregants while making the entire staff of the parish look bumbling and completely bereft common sense. At best, it appears that many pastors ...actually most in my experience... are so focused on themselves and their homiletic commentaries that they become out of touch with reality.

I will share a couple of the stories that come immediately to my mind. I do this to offer comfort and support to my music ministry colleagues so that you can see that you are not alone in your experiences. I offer them to those of you that serve on lay committees and church boards so that you will take more interest in monitoring the behavior of your pastors, offering needed encouragement, but also offering occasional guidance and correction. And, yes, I offer them to some of you pastors in the hope that you will think about your own priorities in leading God’s people in worship. Perhaps you can be a positive influence when your pastoral friends are tempted to take a ride on the crazy train.

By first hand witness I can affirm that both of these stories is true. The names have been changed to avoid embarrassment, though well deserved, to the guilty.

It was the first year of Bob’s appointment to the Harmony Hill Church, a congregation of some 1200 members. Bob was excited to be in such a large congregation, and he was especially thrilled to learn that many Christmas eve nights saw over 1000 people in the three worship services. He was so filled with excitement over the prospect of preaching to so many people in one night that he was fairly trembling as he walked into the staff meeting to plan worship.

To say he was disappointed to learn that the congregation traditionally celebrated Holy Communion at each of the Christmas eve services would be a grave understatement. With an ashen face he asked the staff, “How long does all of this Communion take with so many people?” When he was told that the sacrament was very precious to the congregation and that the tradition was for a brief message followed by Christmas carols, Communion, and the lighting of candles while singing “Silent Night,” he was determined to find a solution to his dilemma.

He came up with an idea.

Communion would not be celebrated in the services but it would be provided for everyone. He asked the Altar Guild to prepare a large stack of trays with consecrated grape juice, and a large bowl of communion wafers. Before the first service he took the elements into the Chapel and placed them on each side of the altar. He made signs on his computer with the words of institution -one sign for the bread and one sign for the cup- and taped them to the front of the altar. He then cheerfully announced in the services that everyone could stop by the Chapel on their way out, serve themselves communion if they wished to do so, and remain for prayer as long as they wanted. He then launched into his well-rehearsed, anecdote-filled forty minute sermon.

His gambit was not well-received by the congregation and a letter of protest was sent by the Staff Parish Committee to the Bishop. After several meetings by the Council on Ministry, the Bishop recommended a three-month “spiritual sabbatical” -at full salary, of course- for Bob to pray and consider the importance of his role as a spiritual leader and minister of both Word and Sacrament.

Bob returned from his imposed vacation with a new idea for the next Christmas eve: Communion would be celebrated only at the midnight service, but would also be observed at the Sunday between Christmas and New Years Day. Bob joked to the Lay Leader of the congregation, “If I am going to forced to lose preaching time, at least I can move it to a low Sunday when one of the associates will most likely preach anyway.”

Bob remained appointed as Pastor of Harmony Hill for four years. During that time worship attendance dropped by 65%. Combined Christmas eve attendance his last year was about 400, down from over 1000 his first year. The operational budget fell by 55%, resulting in the cutting of several lay staff members and one associate. In his final report to the district superintendent, Bob commented that “people just aren’t as committed to church as they once were...”

Of course, Bob’s six-figure salary was unchanged during his appointment.

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At the beginning of Lent, Sally, the new youth minister, and Ron, the long-time music director were considering ways to engender meaningful involvement among the youth of the congregation in worship. Though many of the youth participated in church orchestra, choir and bells, not everyone was musically inclined. The goal was to find a means of participation for those youth who did not participate in musical groups.

It had become the custom of St. Michael’s Church that the choir and ministers processed on the opening hymn each Sunday. Appropriately, the processional did not occur during Lent, but had returned with palms for Palm Sunday.

The staff members decided to expand the procession for the Easter services and use the youth who were not involved in musical ensembles. The young people researched the tradition of the procession in Sunday School, learning the proper order for the cross, torches, banners, Bible, and so forth. Two parents created Easter banners for the occasion and several of the young women helped sew them together as a part of their youth group activities. On the Saturday morning before Easter, a rehearsal was held in the nave of the church as the three teams of teens -one team for each of the three services- rehearsed their processional spacing, carrying their appointments with dignity and reverence, and timing their movement to the altar to fit perfectly with the flow and meter of the hymn.

At the staff planning meeting some twenty days before Holy Week, Ron and Sally told the staff about the plan and related the enthusiasm of the young people. There were many comments about how the prospect of participation in worship had inspired the teens and offered hope of a deepening faith and commitment to the church. Pastor Martha appeared to listen while she checked her Blackberry, but never directly commented on the plan.

Easter Sunday morning came and all of the youth on the first processional team arrived early. With great reverence the cross, Bible, torches, and newly made banners were brought out of the sacristy. As the organ prelude was rising in the nave, the teens stood in the narthex prepared to lead the procession of worship followed by their friends in the youth choir, then the adult choirs and, finally, the pastors.

Pastor Martha entered the narthex and almost shouted, “What is all of this!?” Sally, responded quickly, “...this is the procession for Easter ...we talked about it in staff ...the young people have been preparing.....” Pastor Martha cut her off in mid-sentence: “We can’t do all of this silly pomp on Easter Sunday... it takes too long ...tell them they can hold their things and stand in the chancel ...just go arrange them up there... Ron, tell the choir to find their way to the loft. There will be no processing on high attendance days!”

“But,” Ron protested, “How does it take ‘longer’ to process? The hymn lasts the same amount of time whether we are moving or not...” Pastor Martha responded sharply, “Don’t argue with me ...do as you are told!”

A lot of tears were shed at the youth meeting that Sunday night. The disappointment and sense of betrayal among the young people was thick in the air. At choir rehearsal the following Thursday members wanted to know why the plans for a glorious Easter celebration had been so arbitrarily dismissed. One member said to their music director, “You need to talk to Pastor Martha and tell her....” “No,” replied Ron, “My job is to follow her directions. If you have a concern, you should respectfully meet with her and express your concern.”

Many members of the choirs, along with parents of the youth group, did meet with the Pastor in the coming week. For the most part the meetings were respectful and cordial, but there were deep frustrations strongly expressed as well.

Late on Friday afternoon, Ron and Sally were meeting in the conference room reviewing plans with the church administrator for upcoming summer camps. Pastor Martha’s secretary entered the room and said, “Ron, Sally, Pastor Martha would like to meet with you both for a few minutes.”

“Well, good,” said Sally as they walked together to the Pastor’s study, “Maybe we can talk this out and come up with a better solution for next Easter.” Ron was at first puzzled, then filled with dread as he entered the study to see Pastor Martha and Paul, the chair of the church personnel committee, waiting with long faces.

Pastor Martha spoke: “Today is your last day of employment at St. Michael’s. Several members of the choir and youth parents have paraded through this office complaining to me about Easter Sunday. I am sure that you have put them up to this and I will allow no insubordination. Your severance checks are on your desks according to the Staff-Parish Handbook. You may now retrieve your belongings under supervision of the personnel chair and then you will be escorted from the building. He will take your keys.”

As Paul walked the shell-shocked fired staff members to their cars he said, “You have both served this congregation well, and you have brought many families to our number. This is not fair, and it is not right, but she is our pastor and we must follow her lead.”


I wish these stories I have related were not true. I wish they were exaggerated, but they are not. I wish I could say that they were the only two such examples I knew of families and congregations being ripped apart, and faithful dedicated lay servants put on the street because of the egos and arrogance of ministers violating the trust of their ordination. I am sad to say that I could offer dozens more such stories from my own experiences and from the experience of close friends and colleagues in ministry.

This is certainly not to say that all pastors are corrupt, selfish, and muscle-headed, but the truth must be told that many are. Even worse, the structures of most mainline denominations and the configurations of church boards and committees provide layers of protection for pastors without holding them accountable at any level.

I believe that this issue, as much as any other, has led to the disillusionment of the laity and the loss of literally millions of congregation members from mainline churches.

Consider the families of the youth in our second story. Some of those families left the congregation for other parishes. Some of them stayed and worked through their anger. Some stayed on membership rolls, but become inactive. Others simply dropped out of the life of the Church entirely.

Some years after the incident my friend Ron ran into one of the teens at a computer store. The young man had been scheduled as crucifer that fateful Easter Sunday at the earliest service. Ron asked the now-graduate school man where he was going to church. The young man responded, “I have no use for the Christian religion... the egos, the hypocrisy... I have had enough!”

How many souls have been lost at the hands of pastoral ego and arrogance?

Soli Deo Gloria,
Bill